Control Freak

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that I am a total control freak. In fact, I’m such a control freak that I often get into control drama with myself. If that’s not having control issues I don’t know what is. I think that my problems arise from issues of childhood wounding. I lost trust in everything, except animals and the natural, non-human world, very early in my life.

That said, how do I work with my problem. Well, all I can say is that this is a work in progress and I still feel far from any satisfactory answers. The First Spell of Change is awareness, also known as realizing that there is a problem. The example kind of goes something like, “Houston, we have a problem! We are out of control! That person, situation, relationship, myself, what have you, is not responding to my attempts at navigation!”

Now it might seem to be common sense to understand the complexities of knowing that we are NOT in control and that just figuring out the “right” way to do something will not necessarily lead to the outcome we desire. I can only say that this seems to be the “common sense” of those who have had the luxury of a healthy childhood. Even then, I have my doubts because it seems that this culture, itself, soul kills at an early age.

My own childhood experiences led me to assume that if I am NOT in total control I may be in some serious doodoo! In fact, given that I am a multiply aspected Sag with Virgo rising (Google the web to learn more about astrology or find the nearest trust worthy astrologist near you), my experiences have also led me to believe that I need to be beyond reproach! (If I could have given the term "beyond reproach" squiggly lines like Edward Moench’s “The Scream”, I would have.) Beyond reproach is a burden that no one, even my most hated enemy, should have to live with.

If you couple a desire for perfection with fear arousing survival, and a need to control, you have a response that is very difficult to become aware of and then, if you want, feel, and have the ability, to change.