The Other PPDs: satirical and fictitious correspondence

After participating in helping out for a local Pagan Pride Day and finding out just how large some of the egos that were involved are, the following spoofs were posted to an e-group that is no longer in existence.

Panty Pride Day Update

Planning is underway for our next year's Panty Pride Day. It looks to
be an exciting day of events all focused on promoting the importance of
underwear. The following is a FAQ sheet to help all of you answer the
most frequently asked questions about Panty Pride day.

Panty Pride Day FAQ

Q. Why do you have Panty Pride Day?

A. Our mothers taught us that it always important to wear clean and
nice-looking underwear just in case we happen to get into a car
accident and have to go to the hospital only to feel embarrassed when
the doctor and nurses see the holes in less than pristine panties. We
have taken this attitude to heart and feel that it is a critical
mission to educate others in the importance of nice undies. Comfort
and confidence go hand in hand. When one has the proper foundation
garments one can sit in any situation and project complete competence
and continence. Cleanliness and personal hygiene are also important
and stressed at our events.

Q. When and Where are Panty Pride Day?

A. Depends.

Q. Is Panty Pride Day only about boxers and butthuggers?

A. Absolutely not! Panty Pride Day celebrates all styles of underwear.
We do not discriminate. Bras, teddies, g-strings, long johns, slips,
corsets, and various lingerie, are celebrated along with the more
traditional boxers, briefs, bikini, sport cut, etc. style panty.

Q. What types of workshops do you offer for Panty Pride Day?

A. Whatever our volunteers are qualified and willing to teach. Past
Panty Pride Day events have seen workshops covering such topics as:
Cotton vs. Synthetic Material, How to Find a Fit For the Proper
Brassier, Name Brands, Get the Most Comfortable Panty and Still Look
Great, Girdles: Are They Only a Foundation Form of the Past?, Corsets
and Assets, Protecting Your Undergarments: Choosing Panty-liners,
Douches, and Deodorants, How To Get the Racing Stripes Out of Your
Shorts So You Can Pick Up Girls, On the Rag: Facts about Menstruation
and Your Undies

Q. What can I expect from the main Panty Pride Day Ceremony?

A. Each ceremony is a bit different depending on who is host/essing.
The theme is always one of celebrating underwear. There is usually a
procession featuring folks modeling various styles of undergarments.
One year our host/esses were a colorful drag queen team, called Busting
Out All Over, whom did a spectacular job of involving the participants.
Always a blast for all.

Q. What other events do you have at Panty Pride Day?

A. We have various performing artists showcasing their talents while
wearing underwear. We have the Foundation Garment Museum. We have
vendors selling all sorts of undergarments of all kinds. Non-profit
organizations for the advancement of related issues share information
at their booths. We have a special Panty and Lingerie Shrine. We
feature a fashion show were designers share their latest. Jugglers,
dancers, buskers, mimes, card sharks, scam artists, and others baffle
the masses with their roving talents. We have our special Panty/Bra
Hall of Horrors and much more!

Q, Can anyone attend?

A. Absolutely! Something for everyone.

Hope this little FAQ sheet will help all of you in answering the many
questions asked of those of us whom help out with Panty Pride Day.

Blessings all!

Naughty Zoot
High Priestess of the Great Goddess YoMama
Grand Poobess of the Order of the Yelks (Yapping Elks)
Most Wise and Senior Advisor to His Holiness the Grand Wiper of Other
People's Bottoms
Founding High Priestess of Aardvarkian Wicca
Holy Holder of Coyote's Tricky Testicles
Bearer of the Grail of the Holy Elderberry
Regional Coordinator of Panty Pride Day




Furthermore.....


Greetings, Oh Naughty Zoot,

I want to once again extend my appreciation for all of your support in
helping us get Pooh-bah Pride Day together. Panty Pride Day has been
such a wonderful inspiration for us all and I am thrilled that you have
so generously shared yourself so that we can have a successful
inauguration for Pooh-bah Pride Day . The following is a tentative
schedule for the Pooh-bah Pride Day events, keeping in mind that we do
not have everything set in stone.

10:00 A.M. - Opening ceremonies: Our M.C. will open the event by
announcing the Parade of Pooh-bahs. The Pooh-bahs will promenade down
through the site to the front stage in all of their finery. Our M.C.
will then introduce each important personage with all appropriate
titles.

11:00 A.M.-sign up for the Pooh-bahlympics (games and competitions)

1:00 P.M.-Pooh-bahlympics begin. We will offer the following:

*Distance Air Kissing
*Soap-box Derby (a stationary event)
*As Far As You Can Throw Them (similar to the caber toss)
*Doctor's Spin Off
*Rants and Raves (a debate competition)
*The Salad Toss ( competitive event for the best brown nosing)
*Sumo Wrestling in Green Jello
*Gas-a-thon (wagers will be accepted on whom can pontificate non-stop
the longest
before taking a breath or passing out. Participants and observers
will be cautioned
to close one hole before opening the other.)
*Best Fez Contest (different categories based on types of officious
head gear)
*Wild Bull-shit Riding (hip waders optional)
*Toot-Your-Own-Horn Karaoke (trot out your titles while we provide the
tunes)
*Celebrity Boast

Ongoing events:
Hot Air Balloon Rides (in our custom Fez shaped hot air balloon)
workshops
booths
author book signing
live music

***author book signing will feature Dr. X. Crement, famed author of the
self-help book, "Asshole No More", promoting his new book "Parades,
Charades, and Tirades: Pooh-bah Politics and Platforms".

***our headlining band will be The Blowhards singing their hit, "Our
Shit Doesn't Stink", and other acts to be announced

***we are currently putting together a workshop lineup so stay tuned
for further details

Thank you again for all of your support in helping our inaugural
Pooh-bah Pride Day be a rousing success.

With much appreciation,

Lord Lickety Split
Chief Conniver and Controller for the Church of the Self-Important
The Honorable Mr. Moneybags and Pursewarden for the High Order of the
Humblest That Can Be Got
69th Degree High Priest of The One RIght And True Tradition
Grand Patootie of the Most Fraternal Order of Correct and Male Members
Ordained Successor to our Head Honcho, Hung Long, of the Most Fraternal
Order of Correct and Male Members
Appointed Secret Shopper for Fruit of the Loom (Hail and Welcome Panty
Priders)
Your Local Co-ordinator for Pooh-bah Pride Day