What I Have Learned About Gratitude

Feeling thankful as the Holiday Seasons come up, I have been reflecting
on the nature of gratitude and appreciation. I have not always had the
presence to truly and genuinely feel grateful. As a Sagittarius, I
can't lie when I don't feel thankful and this has caused some less than
entertaining adventures. People tend to like those individuals whom
have the gifts of the socially graceful. LIttle white lies have a
tendency to slip by some of us Sags. Honesty, socially speaking, is
not always the best policy. I won't bore you all with tales of my
social mishaps. Instead, I shall get on with how I learned to get in
touch with my gratitude.

I remember attending a Sweat Lodge many years ago lead by an Apache
Medicine Man. Part of the tradition of the Lodge is to express
appreciation to the Grandmothers, Grandfathers and the Spirits. I was
having a very difficult time during this period and could not honestly
feel connected to any sense of gratitude. When I spoke to the Medicine
Man about my condition and reluctance to participate in the Lodge, he
very gently encouraged me to attend. He counseled that I open myself,
pray, and stay with my honesty. If I did not feel grateful, this was
okay. Spirit could see in my heart and offer healing. Inside the
Lodge I was moved to pray that I come to the ability to feel and
express appreciation.

Looking back at that time, I can honestly say that my prayers were
answered. Spirit stepped forward and presented me with various lessons
and opportunities to learn about gratitude. I can now look at a
beautiful sunset and feel, within my essence, grateful. I honestly
enjoy coming home from my 10:00 A.M to 6:00 P.M. job and feel the
welcome from my fur companions and appreciate them. I can actually
experience all of the wonderful gifts that Spirit brings into my life
with the presence, wonder and gratitude that I have always wanted.

What changed? In contemplating this question I think that I can come
up with a few ideas. Part of the change has to do with my own personal
growth. Awareness, intention, and the willingness to face myself in an
honest fashion and to change my behaviors has allowed the space I need
to experience gratitude. One of the things that I have had to change
is my relationship with my past. Like many folks, I grew up in a
dysfunctional family and I experienced a lot of pain and damage. I had
to learn to reframe my past and see it through the eyes of the wounded
healer. This allowed me to view my past experiences as a fertile
learning ground for helping others. Not that this made my past fun,
instead it allowed me to glean the lessons and make sense out of
something that I could not change, my past.

I also learned to change some of my personal expectations of the world
in terms of reality. I have always had some idea of what "fair" is and
when "fair" didn't happen, as it often doesn't in the real world, I
would become angry and this anger would taint my entire experience.
Letting go of the mental construct of expecting a "fair" world allowed
me to release some of this anger. Releasing a tainting anger leaves
more space for feeling appreciation. This is still a work in process
as I occasionally catch myself falling back into projections of "fair".

Another very valuable lesson was learning how to appreciate myself, the
gifts that I offer, and to set boundaries. With out these lessons I
would give my gifts to those unable to appreciate them. "What's the
problem with that?" one might ask. The problem I found with giving to
those whom are unable or unwilling to appreciate is that the situation
often generates anger. This can happen when folks are demanding, rude,
take you for granted, learn to expect you to do for them, or just
generally resent you because you are able to give and they have some
sense of feeling beholden. Anger, once again, tends to get in the way
of feeling gratitude. I can't feel appreciation when I am upset
because someone is acting out with me after I have given them service.
All the logic in the world cannot help someone be grateful for the
services you provide if they do not feel this gratitude within their
own heart. Learning these valuable lessons allows me to set boundaries
and move away from frustrating relationships that are not respectful
and reciprocal, thus freeing time, space, and energy for relationships
that I can appreciate. More reasons to feel thankful.

Getting in touch with my ability to feel appreciation has been a
process within and without. Reframing the past, letting go of
unrealistic expectations, learning to appreciate myself and my talents,
taking ongoing personal inventory, changing behaviors, setting
boundaries, and moving away from relationships with those individuals
or organizations whom can not or will not respect and appreciate have
all been essential in my journey towards thankfulness.
Spirit/God/Goddess has also graced my life in this endeavor. I have
had the good fortune to have opportunities in my life to learn, grow
and change. I view my Craft as a developmental path that brings me
closer to the Earth and the Divine. I am a Yuletide baby and I can
honestly say that my life is a precious gift and I give thanks to
Spirit and to all whom share it with me. I wish you all the very best
in your personal journey towards a grateful life.